I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize