yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
