God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize