We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
