my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
