wakey wakey hands off snakey
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
