I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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