OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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