just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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