just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
