I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
