pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
