Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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