Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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