My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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