When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
