WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
