The maid of honor just puked.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
