Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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