Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
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I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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