Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
