I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
