These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
