I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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