haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
