i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize