my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize