Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
