cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We don't watch enough power rangers
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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