it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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