he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
