She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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