5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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