1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize