It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize