Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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