i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
