I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize