You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
