you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
