Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize