do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
