My friends, they love my intelligence
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
