If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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