You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
