i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
