I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
