do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
