I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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