Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
