I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
