you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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