I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
