Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
