So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
