Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
