I hate your face
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
