think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
