At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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